Sometime around the third chemo infusion it started. The base of my hair actually hurt. It was a strange sensation. I knew something was different. My first chemo regimen I managed to avoid this startling side effect. But, not this time. Maybe the addition of the Abraxane made the difference. In the next few days my hair began to fall out in chunks leaving long strands of silver white on my clothing. If I grabbed a hunk of hair, it would be left between my fingers. I guess I need to think about a wig.
A trip to the beauty salon was in order. My amazing hair stylist had promised me she would help should the need arise. I was thankful for her. I made an appointment and my daughter met me at the shop. As the long white strands of hair fell to my cape like fathers floating from the sky I experienced a huge sense of loss. My daughter grabbed my hand from beneath the cape and I began to cry.
Why does this beastly disease attempt to steal everything from you?
I have my own arsenal in a God who walks beside me every step of the way. He guards me and He shelters me and He saves me from the snares of battle. Cancer cannot take me, only my Lord can take me home when He is ready.
I gathered my courage and said to myself, I’m going to make some fun of this. I was heading to the Lady Gaga concert in Vegas on my week off from chemo. I pictured myself in a bright purple wig fitting right in to the crowd. The best wig shops had to be in Vegas. My friends would help me pick one out. Besides, tied scarfs looked so boho chic. Maybe that would be the look I decided to embrace.
I am not going to let the beast steal any more of my joy. After all, it is just hair and it will grow back. In the meantime I will wear my baldness as a warrior in the fight for my life, God help me.