Ephesians 6:11-18 King James Version (KJV)
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
During this journey of pancreas cancer we have faced very difficult decisions a couple of times. In the past I have taken the approach, “Let’s get it out of my body now.” vs. attempting to shrink the tumors with chemotherapy which may or may not work. We gather the facts and Tommy always gives me his opinion but tells me to make the final call because it is my body. And, I always had a very strong feeling of what I needed to do. Those decisions have proven to be the right ones so far. God granted us a miracle giving me 4 years and 2 months of a very good quality of life.
We find ourselves once again at the crossroads. There are five small nodes in my right lung that have been carefully observed for many months. Just a month ago three nodes were removed from my left lung, two of which had cells consistent with pancreas cancer meaning my cancer was back. It had metastasized to another vital organ.
Adenocarcinoma originating in the pancreas is the deadliest form of cancer.
We must prepare for battle once again. But, this time the decisions are not quite as clear cut. The options call for patience, for waiting. Having these cells at work in my body, knowing the destruction they leave in their path makes it very difficult to sit back. To give it time to manifest, to grow. Yet, the doctors tell us the five nodes are small. They have been very slow growing which is uncharacteristic of pancreas cancer. The cells are not acting like pancreas cancer. Nothing about the cells behavior is textbook. They even challenged the pathologist findings. But, the proof remained. The cells are consistent with pancreas cancer.
But yet what do we know about pancreas cancer?
We do know that it behaves differently in patients. That it responds differently to routine treatment. While those who dare to challenge it in research are discovering new techniques to fight it every day, there is no 100% foolproof treatment.
The doctors question if the nodes are large enough to have good blood supply necessary for the chemo drugs to do the job. “Let’s wait six weeks.” They don’t want to infuse me with the poison that could kill the cells and rob me of the present good quality of life I enjoy until they are sure it can work.
So, we will wait. We will enjoy every day I am feeling good. We will make plans and take short trips and watch sunsets and children playing. We will take in all of this amazingly wonderful life we have been blessed with.
I stand fully clothed in the whole armour of God…ready to fight the battle before me once again.