Category Archives: Jude

Christmas – Chemo vacation

Christmas – Chemo vacation

The metallic taste and the nausea would begin the moment I thought about my upcoming chemo infusion appointment. Don’t get me wrong, Mayo does everything to make the experience relaxing and comfortable with their individual chemo suites complete with a sofa and table for a guest or two and a large smart TV complete with library of about fifty or more top movies /series including The Mayo Clinic – Faith-Hope- Science, a film based on the PBS documentary by acclaimed filmmaker Ken Burns and his associates Erik Ewers and Christopher Loren Ewers. But, it still wasn’t enough to take the feeling away from the poison dripping slowly into my surgically implanted port, working its way into the chambers of my heart and disbursing throughout my body, seeking out those pancreatic cancer cells it was intended to destroy. I truly could taste it smell it and, after 14 months of chemo, I dreaded it.

Truth is, I had somehow contracted a viral infection days before my last infusion October 15, 2019. My already compromised body now was taking on a chemo cocktail that would make a healthy body sick. But we had no way of knowing. The bloodwork taken prior to the chemo prescription being prepared didn’t show anything unusual. As soon a I returned home from my infusion I became ill. This was not my typical routine. The nausea had never come on strong and hard the first day. It was always sort of building and hit hard around the third day after.

Two days later I was admitted into the hospital in semi-isolation to determine the source of my nausea and digestive issues. Five days later I went home only when my liver enzymes reported they were heading in the right direction. Doctors agreed it was a viral infection. It took another three weeks for me to recover. I had lost my appetite and about 12 pounds and was weak from being in bed.

Whatever it was….I didn’t want to experience it again. In just a few days I was scheduled to have chemo again. I could taste it and feel it and was dreading it already.

November 11th I was scheduled and dutifully reported for my blood work and oncology consult with Dr. Mody. But, as soon as he walked into the consultation room, I told him I had made a decision…I was not going to be taking chemo today. I was taking a break. he smiled and said “Good.”

His reaction was just what I hoped it would be. Medically we both knew I should be taking it, however, emotionally I just couldn’t do it. I think he saw that too.

We agreed to schedule a CT Scan mid January. That would give me a three month break. I could enjoy Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years with our big family. It was perfect.

And, enjoy we did. Grocery shopping, planning the Thanksgiving meal, Tom’s Dad coming down from Cleveland, it was great. Then Christmas decorating, cookie decorating, shopping, wrapping and celebrating, a quick trip to NYC, holiday parties and family, family, family. We were overjoyed.

What will happen January 17th with the CT Scan? Only God knows. We trust that He will lead us to the perfect decision of what treatment, if any we will choose. Until then, I will enjoy feeling whole and not missing out on one moment of one day.

Thank you for this time precious Jesus.

Thomas and Olive
Grandpa, Lindsay Mick and Jude – TPC Tree Lighting
Christmas Decorating
Hudson Yards Lunch
Scotty, Blake, Taylor, Abby, Olivia and Tommy – PVIC Christmas Eve
Taylor, Tommy, Mia, Jayden, Olivia and Abby
Del Frisco’s
Family dinner

I got a “Save the Date”

I got a “Save the Date”

Yesterday I had a CT scan as a follow up after my last appointment confirming the beast had returned…I now have pancreas cancer mets to my lungs 100% confirmed. My radiology oncologist entered the room with a piece of paper, my scan report from the radiologist.

On the paper he had numbered 8 entries. Each entry documented the slide number where a nodule showed up and in comparison to the last scan..how much it had increased in size in those six weeks. When I had the lung resection in late June I had 8 nodules. They removed 3. My math skills are pretty good, so that would leave me with 5 right? Well, at the last appointment they said there was a new nodule in the left lung…that would be a total of 6. And now there are 8!

Only three out of eight nodules had shown slight growth, one, more than the other two. My head was swimming. It seemed there was always an increase in the numbers. Dr. Ko explained “these nodules are just not acting like pancreas cancer. They are not completely round and they are not growing rapidly like most pc tumors grow. They are still acting like lung cancer nodules. But, we have the DNA reports that conclude they are in fact of pancreas cancer origin.”

These visits are mentally exhausting. We hang on every word coming from his lips. “What is your recommendation for treatment?” my Joseph asks. “Can we just remove them all by radiation?” The doctor hesitates as he forms his response carefully. “That would not be safe and I believe it would not change the outcome. I will defer to your oncologist who might suggest chemotherapy, however, your quality of life is so good at this moment…none of your doctors wants to change that. Go out live your life..do everything you want to do while you are feeling good. That would be my recommendation.”

“How will these nodules progress? What will happen when they grow? ” we asked. “They will grow (and multiply) to where they press on the oxygen sources inhibiting breathing. We truly can’t predict when that would happen but based on the tracking we have done..two years.”

My faith tells me that this is what the doctor must tell me based on science. He is doing his job. He can’t turn to me and say without equivication it is up to God, not science how long you will survive. I know he has no idea of what God’s plan is for my life and nor do I. My sister Carmen always reminds me..”Just cause the doctors say it doesn’t make it so.”

We agreed to discuss with our oncologist going back on the three month scan schedule due to the continued slow growth. Tom looked at me with a smile on his face and said excitedly… ” That takes us to Napa for the fall crush, NYC for the Thanksgiving Parade with the babies and then Christmas.” We smiled at the thought.

When the recurrence was confirmed I received a save the date from Jesus. How lucky am I? I have the warning most don’t ever receive. I look at the picture of Olive who is approaching her second birthday on New Years Day. Mick was two years old in late May. I will cherish every moment of every day. Who knows, God might figure I have so much more work I can do to make a difference in this cancer that He leaves me here a little longer. Nothing about my cancer has been short of miraculous. Why should I believe it will be any different now?

If you received a warning that your life was ending soon would you live it any differently? Please think about that and make sure you enjoy every day and you share with others what is in your heart.

Today we meet with my oncologist, Dr. Mody. I bet he will concur no treatment yet. At least that is what we are hoping for.

Joseph said to his brothers, ” I am about to die, but God will surely take care of you and bring you up from this land to the land which He promised on oath to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob”. Genesis 50:24

Preparing for battle

Preparing for battle

Ephesians 6:11-18 King James Version (KJV)
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

During this journey of pancreas cancer we have faced very difficult decisions a couple of times. In the past I have taken the approach, “Let’s get it out of my body now.” vs. attempting to shrink the tumors with chemotherapy which may or may not work. We gather the facts and Tommy always gives me his opinion but tells me to make the final call because it is my body. And, I always had a very strong feeling of what I needed to do. Those decisions have proven to be the right ones so far. God granted us a miracle giving me 4 years and 2 months of a very good quality of life.

We find ourselves once again at the crossroads. There are five small nodes in my right lung that have been carefully observed for many months. Just a month ago three nodes were removed from my left lung, two of which had cells consistent with pancreas cancer meaning my cancer was back. It had metastasized to another vital organ.

Adenocarcinoma originating in the pancreas is the deadliest form of cancer.

We must prepare for battle once again. But, this time the decisions are not quite as clear cut. The options call for patience, for waiting. Having these cells at work in my body, knowing the destruction they leave in their path makes it very difficult to sit back. To give it time to manifest, to grow. Yet, the doctors tell us the five nodes are small. They have been very slow growing which is uncharacteristic of pancreas cancer. The cells are not acting like pancreas cancer. Nothing about the cells behavior is textbook. They even challenged the pathologist findings. But, the proof remained. The cells are consistent with pancreas cancer.

But yet what do we know about pancreas cancer?

We do know that it behaves differently in patients. That it responds differently to routine treatment. While those who dare to challenge it in research are discovering new techniques to fight it every day, there is no 100% foolproof treatment.

The doctors question if the nodes are large enough to have good blood supply necessary for the chemo drugs to do the job. “Let’s wait six weeks.” They don’t want to infuse me with the poison that could kill the cells and rob me of the present good quality of life I enjoy until they are sure it can work.

So, we will wait. We will enjoy every day I am feeling good. We will make plans and take short trips and watch sunsets and children playing. We will take in all of this amazingly wonderful life we have been blessed with.

I stand fully clothed in the whole armour of God…ready to fight the battle before me once again.

Jude has HOPE for his Mia

“Two Monkey”

“Two Monkey”

Jude with Two Monkey sleeps with Poppa

Not even certain when “two monkey” arrived. I do know he replaced “Silly Monkey’ a blue and brown monkey Jude had snuggled from birth of similar shape and size. Silly Monkey was lost somewhere along the way and fortunately we had the sock monkey ready to stand in.

It was a seamless transition at one year old.

But, as time passed, sock monkey (who was never called sock monkey) became his snuggle choice at every nap, watching movies or just cuddled up on the floor during reading time.

Grandmothers have a way of knowing this could develop into a problem should Monkey suddenly disappear. There have been several times he was left behind and Dad had to make a special trip to recover him before bedtime.

In an effort to avert this difficult situation I purchased several sock monkeys from the toy store and hid them away. And, of course, the day came when it was necessary for us to pull one out.

But, this intuitive toddler immediately knew the difference asking, “Where is two-monkey?” None of us really know how the name Two-Monkey came to be. When I asked Jude how he could tell the difference he said, “This one doesn’t have the same face, my two monkey has a big smile.”

Life lesson, it is not possible to attempt to pull a fast one on a toddler who is in love with his lovie.

“Mia”

“Mia”

It happened organically. My daughter-in-law and daughter always asked me what I wanted to be called when the grand-babies came. I never had an issue with being called “GrandMa” like many of my friends did. I told them whatever the kids called me was fine with me. But, I didn’t like “Grand-MAW” though. I like “Grammie” just fine. They called me “Grandma” and that was fine with me too.

But, one day something amazing happened. Around the age of 18 months Jude began to talk. He started showing an interest in family photos. Lindsay would drill him on who was in the photo hanging on the wall. Samantha, Lindsay’s longtime friend created a small book where each page was a family member. Jude quickly caught on. One day, he called me “Mia”. We all loved it.

His other Grandmother is “Mimi”, so maybe “Mia” is a shortened version of that. We don’t know, but it sure is fitting.

The other Grandchildren were not sure if they wanted to change my name. But, soon everyone was calling me Mia.

The other day when Jude was reluctant to take his afternoon nap he called from his crib…”Momma”…”Mia”….”Momma”…”Mia”. Lindsay and I just laughed. This was the perfect thing for a one quarter Italian baby to call out.

Today our angel turns 2! God blessed us with this little carrot to make it through the tough times.  We thank God for him every day.

Today our angel turns 2! God blessed us with this little carrot to make it through the tough times.
We thank God for him every day.

Purple Stride – 2015

Purple Stride – 2015

Delivering my speech before Purple Stride race begins.

Delivering my speech before Purple Stride race begins.

In June, 2010 I went to cooking school in the foothills of the Appenines just south of Florence, Italy with a good foodie friend, Kelly who is here today. We prepared our meals in a 300 year-old stone barn that had been renovated into a rustic kitchen. I learned to prepare tasty meals with limited organic ingredients. I fell in love with Italy, Italian cuisine and my teacher Chef Laura. So much so that I returned with 4 more of my friends in 2012.

In April 2014, when I lost my inspiration to cook, my appetite and my yearning for a great full-bodied cabernet, I knew something wasn’t right.

Mayo Clinic Docs found a mass in my pancreas and surgery was scheduled two weeks later.

Our sixth grandchild was presented by our only daughter and her husband a week before my surgery. They named him “Jude”. This was the single most important honor that has ever been given me.

I underwent 9 and ½ hour Whipple surgery by my hero Dr. Horcio Asbun. The human I credit with saving my life.

Many of you here today know first hand what that surgery entails. I lived thru the recovery, a serious infection, the chemo and the radio chemotherapy taking my final treatment Christmas Eve.

I stand here today 16 months cancer free.

What I do want to share with you is what my husband, my family and friends learned from our trial.

Tom, whom I now call Joseph, who led our family thru this dessert- and I leaned that God is in control .We agreed to say “Yes” to anyone who offered help. People want to help. They don’t know what to say or what to do or how they can help…but …if you answer “yes’ you will see the love of God thru them. They are His hands helping you and loving you. You are blessed and they will be too by making a meal, changing your bed, rubbing cream on your feet and hands. I felt God’s love in every action and our family did too.

When I was at my weakest point, Joseph, (Tom) asked me what I wanted to do in my life, what I dreamed of. I told him it was to take our family to Italy. He said “DONE”.
In July we flew 13 family members, our children and grandchildren to Milan. We took them on a tour of the Vatican and Rome. We rented a house on Lake Como and threw a wedding for our son and his bride in a small Catholic Church on that beautiful lake.

God winked at me that week. While I was walking 60 meters from the boat ramp to our rental home on a stretch of narrow road, my Chef Laura from cooking school saw me as she was driving from Milan to Billagio at that very moment. She stopped, came to our home, met my family and shared an hour with us.

Quite frankly, I never dreamed I would see Laura again. I believe God made that happen.

Laura Giusti, my Chef and my friend.

Laura Giusti, my Chef and my friend.

This disease is a beast. We all have an expiration date. Those with PC realize that date could be sooner than later. The vulnerability permeates to your family and friends. It shows them that each family member is a treasure, friend is a blessing, each moment of every day is a gift.

If you or your loved one has PC, remember this. God is in control. He loves every one of us. Put your faith in Him and give your worries and your fears up to Him. He will lift that burden from your shoulders and show you His love.

Todays walk will raise awareness of this dreadful cancer and increase research funding so that early detection stops the growth of this disease and doesn’t let it gain status of becoming the #1 cancer killer within the next five years.

NEGU and give your fear and your family up to God. He will bless you beyond your belief.

Thank you for being here today to walk by our side in this battle.

The walk was exhausting for little baby Jude

The walk was exhausting for little baby Jude

Goodbye baby – hello toddler…

Goodbye baby – hello toddler…

Lindsay, Matthew and Jude. The Garrity's celebrate ONE

Lindsay, Matthew and Jude. The Garrity’s celebrate ONE

Today I washed and put away baby bottles, cleared the counter of the bottle warmer, pacifiers. No more bottles for our little Jude….he is ONE! The pediatrician said he doesn’t need to take a bottle any longer. He weighed 21.5 lbs. and is in the 85 percentile in height. He is thriving and performing all of the usual behaviors of a 12 month old. He is eating table food, most of the time organic, prepared by his Momma or Grammie or Mimi. He loves the smoothies Momma makes him. He is drinking out of a sippie-cup.

In the past few months we have packed away his Momma-Roo, his doorway bouncer, his wheeled walker and many of the infant “must haves” to await the next angel God sends us. We washed and packed his newborn, 3-6 mos. 9 mos. and even some 12 mos. outfits in a big plastic bin. Could this be possible?

No longer will he lay on my chest to sleep, when I can smell the fine hairs on his soft little head as I listen for his gentle and steady breathing. No longer will he lift his wobbly head off the floor during tummy time and stare up at me in curiosity. No longer will he crawl around on the floor or sit quietly shaking his rattle while he hones his motor skills. He is a toddler.

He loves to go on a wagon ride and play with his riding fire truck, pushing the buttons warning his dogs Duffy and Finn to get out of the way.

If he sees the stairs are not blocked, he hurries and climbs up checking behind to see if we have discovered his shenanigans. (He doesn’t know how to go down….just up.)

He walks everywhere but does occasionally come to us with arms outstretched to be picked up and carried. But, he is on the move and we guard him closely.

He loves to sit on your lap and look at this books as we read each page. After, he will mimmic us babbling in his own words what he heard us say and pointing just as we did. He is the supreme copycat.

His vocabulary is expanding. He knows many words we speak. This can be proven if we give him a command to bring us his teddy bear or ball. He knows “no”, “hot”, “bye bye” and much more. He is forming his language right on target. (We think he is brilliant of course.)

He is obsessed with buttons of any sort. Momma doesn’t want him to use cell phones, but I admit, he grabs mine whenever possible and knows how to talk to Siri and how to scan the apps and photos. It is amazing how they pick this up. Every remote is exciting because he can see on the television how the buttons react.

He seldom cries when he is laid down to sleep. He truly enjoys his alone time. He loves his teddy bear and “silly monkey” lovey who usually accompany him to bed. You can hear him talking in a high pitched voice to them just like Grammie does when he is put in his crib for a nap.

He is a really good baby. I remind his parents, they all are not like this.

Could the difference be that this baby is loved beyond belief by his parents, both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. He is loved by his parents friends and more. He gets loads of quality attention and all else he requires. Jude is blessed, and so are we.

So, welcome little toddler. We can’t wait to see what year number two will be like. We know you will soon able to tell us exactly what you are thinking.

We love you over the moon. We thank God for you every day. What a gift He gave us to get through this difficult year.
God’s most important request of us…..”love one another…as I have loved you.” John 15:12.

Jude & Grammie pic