Category Archives: Jesus Christ

Woven

Woven

For eight years I have been working on my memoire. When I was feeling up to it, I would write never having any expectations for a book, Maybe it would be a kind of history I could share with family. Maybe it would just end up in my trash.

As time went on I felt a sense of healing when I recounted uncomfortable memories from my past. And, as I transferred my pain onto the written page I began to see even more clearly how God had been weaving my life’s story.

What once seemed like a series of very rough patches prepared me for what was to come. Much of it might be shocking. A friend who edited the book said I took my clothes off and ran naked down the street! But, the many, many wonderful people I met along the way are important pieces of this story. (You know who you are!)The pain I had endured was transformed into abundant blessing. The love I received was greater than anything I could have ever dreamed of.

Soon, this book will go to press. It will be available on Amazon. If you choose to purchase it, the proceeds will go to research to help us discover an early detection of pancreatic cancer. Maybe it will save lives. Expecting to publish late February.

More importantly, my truth will clearly reveal how having a relationship with Jesus Christ will change your life forever and give you peace and comfort as you live out your own trials and pain. If you are searching for something missing in your life, maybe this book will lead you to what I discovered.

We all have a story, a testimony that we live each and every day. We can choose how that story ends, happily ever after or not. I believe we are all woven into unique pieces of fabric if we just place our trust in the one who is walking beside us every step of the way it will float through the air toward heaven and be beautiful to behold.

Update…

Update…
This is a spiritual place…Z-Family Farm – Fletcher North Carolina

God has granted me so many miracles throughout my life. But the most miraculous of all has been the gift of eight years since my diagnosis of pancreas cancer on April 29th, 2014.

Tommy and I agree these have been the best eight years of our lives together.

Our faith has grown so enormously and so deeply throughout this journey that we count that as another huge miracle He has blessed us with. Our children experience firsthand the importance of having a relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and all agree we could not handle this without Him. We put our trust in Him completely to lead us through this difficult trial.

For our friends, it has been miraculous as well. They pray diligently and many daily that we can have one more day, one more good scan, one more birth, one more memory. They see Him answer those prayers time after time. I know it has deepened their faith as well.

The most recent miracle has been the success of our 6th Champions for Hope event. Thanks to our sponsors, friends and volunteers who open their hearts and their pocketbooks to help us raise EPIC amounts of money to help the disabled community and continue our research at Mayo Jacksonville for pc early detection. Thank you just never seems enough.

Yesterday we received some news. An MRI revealed a suspicious mass in the reconstructed head of my pancreas. The MRI was ordered by my oncology team due to ongoing weight loss and GI issues I have had since last July.

The doctors believe the pancreas cancer has now metastasized to my Whipple operation site. Many of you know I have mets to my lungs that have remained stable since July 2018. (Another miracle.)

They have ordered an Endoscopic Ultrasound Procedure for June 23rd to biopsy the tumor and confirm 100% the adenocarcinoma has returned to this spot. They are not able to perform this biopsy before that date due to my positive Covid test June 1st. This test would require twilight sedation and therefore must follow CDC Covid protocol of waiting 21 days from the positive test date.

My Mayo team respects my decision to forego chemotherapy as a treatment and maintain the best possible quality of life. 

They are seeking a clinical trial drug that might be successful working with my HER2 (Human Epidermal growth factor Receptor 2–positive). No person with pancreas cancer has ever received this treatment. It is approved to treat early-stage breast cancer. When this drug works for me it could mean that other pancreas cancer patients with this HER2 gene could benefit as well.

So, we ask for prayers for another miracle. Not just for me but for the countless other pc patients who may not have access to or doctors who even are aware of this treatment.

Tommy, me, and our entire family will continue to pray we can graciously accept God’s will for the outcome whatever it might be.

But, here is one thing you can completely count on…when the day comes and my life is over…I win. I will be sitting at the feet of Jesus whole once again in heaven for all of eternity.

If you are not a believer, I pray you will accept Jesus as your personal savior and be able to turn your trials into blessings just as we have.

I love you all and I am forever grateful and humbled by your love, support and prayers.

HOPE

HOPE

Today our family celebrates the six year anniversary of my diagnosis of pancreas cancer. With a five year survival rate of just nine percent, I stand in amazement that I am still here. In the past six weeks the world has faced the possibility of losing life. Are you celebrating each day or are you gripped with fear that you could be touched by this global pandemic? Let me tell you, the one thing that has sustained us over our journey with pancreas cancer…HOPE.

Hope comes in many forms. It may come in the birth of a child, the positive report the doctor delivers, or the simplest of things…a freshly budding flower reaching for the sun.

We have a choice every day to have hope or be gripped in fear. It is proven that our emotional state effects us physically. While there are many things out of our control, we can control our minds. I choose to have hope.

Even in the direst of situations, we can find reason to have hope. My diagnosis six years ago lifted a haze from my eyes. What appeared to be the worst news possible has become a blessing to me and to my family. We approach each day with gratitude and a new appreciation for life.

Thanking God every moment of each day for the gift of life He has graced me with. It all comes from Him.

“For I know the plans I have for you.” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11.

Scan Update

Scan Update
Scan Update

The holidays were really wonderful this year after taking a much needed three month break from chemo treatments. My last infusion was October 15th and the immediate reaction was extremely difficult. I began to have nausea and digestive issues, chill and fever that afternoon. Two days later I visited the ER for fluids and to attempt to stop the symptoms that were continuing. I was admitted and remained in semi-isolation for five days.

After many blood tests and digestive scans it was determined I had contracted some sort of viral infection. Liver enzymes were spiraling in the wrong direction and I was weak and losing weight.

Several IV antibiotics were prescribed and in a few days, as soon as the liver enzymes began the slow return, and the nausea and such stopped, they sent me home.

To say I was dreading the two week appointment for my next chemo treatment was no exaggeration. But, I headed to Mayo for bloodwork and my oncology appointment. As soon as Dr. Mody entered the consultation room I announced I was going to take a break from my treatments.

His reaction was welcomed. “Good”, he said, agreeing with my unusual non-compliance. “Let’s take a break till mid January and see what we need to do after a CT scan.”

We left his office in high spirits and Tom began to make holiday plans for a trip to NYC and our annual Christmas Eve Open House. I was ecstatic.

We filled the next three months with family fun, parties, trips and dinners. Within a few weeks, I was back to feeling almost normal. Well, better than I had in many months.

I tucked my fears deep and partied on, knowing full well I would have to face the CT scan in January and whatever results it would declare, I would have to accept.

Laying on the table during the scan I prayed that whatever God’s will for me would be, we would handle it. I have the best doctors in the field of oncology to lead me and several treatment plans both conventional and even a little experimental to choose from. But, I knew we would handle the news no matter what it was just as we always had with courage and strength found solely in our faith in God.

My blood work looked good, well better then it had, we only needed now to hear what Dr. Mody would reveal.

My son Scott and daughter Lindsay accompanied me to the appointment as Tommy, my Jospeh was unable to attend. He texted to let him know the results immediately. It was great to have them with me.

As Dr. Mody entered the room I felt a rush of worry. He rushed thru the “hello’s” and as his eyes met mine he said, ” The scan was stable. Everything looks the same.” My eyes filled with tears of joy and the kids both joined in my elation. Dr. Mody suggested we go two months before another scan and no chemo treatments.

Had I continued my treatments I would not have been able to make the sweet memories our family and friends shared during this holiday season. I was once again thankful to God who had lead me to this bold decision.

Prayer is powerful. Family, friends, everyone was praying for me. I knew by the texts and phone calls I received they were lifting me up.

My Jospeh and I count our life in increments of weeks and months, choosing to be grateful for even the days we are able to be together. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone lived this way? After all, none of us are promised tomorrow.

Thanking God for His favor and for my family and friends who battle with me every step of this journey.

I tucked my fears deep and partied on, knowing full well I would have to face the CT scan in January and whatever results it would declare, I would have to accept.

Christmas – Chemo vacation

Christmas – Chemo vacation

The metallic taste and the nausea would begin the moment I thought about my upcoming chemo infusion appointment. Don’t get me wrong, Mayo does everything to make the experience relaxing and comfortable with their individual chemo suites complete with a sofa and table for a guest or two and a large smart TV complete with library of about fifty or more top movies /series including The Mayo Clinic – Faith-Hope- Science, a film based on the PBS documentary by acclaimed filmmaker Ken Burns and his associates Erik Ewers and Christopher Loren Ewers. But, it still wasn’t enough to take the feeling away from the poison dripping slowly into my surgically implanted port, working its way into the chambers of my heart and disbursing throughout my body, seeking out those pancreatic cancer cells it was intended to destroy. I truly could taste it smell it and, after 14 months of chemo, I dreaded it.

Truth is, I had somehow contracted a viral infection days before my last infusion October 15, 2019. My already compromised body now was taking on a chemo cocktail that would make a healthy body sick. But we had no way of knowing. The bloodwork taken prior to the chemo prescription being prepared didn’t show anything unusual. As soon a I returned home from my infusion I became ill. This was not my typical routine. The nausea had never come on strong and hard the first day. It was always sort of building and hit hard around the third day after.

Two days later I was admitted into the hospital in semi-isolation to determine the source of my nausea and digestive issues. Five days later I went home only when my liver enzymes reported they were heading in the right direction. Doctors agreed it was a viral infection. It took another three weeks for me to recover. I had lost my appetite and about 12 pounds and was weak from being in bed.

Whatever it was….I didn’t want to experience it again. In just a few days I was scheduled to have chemo again. I could taste it and feel it and was dreading it already.

November 11th I was scheduled and dutifully reported for my blood work and oncology consult with Dr. Mody. But, as soon as he walked into the consultation room, I told him I had made a decision…I was not going to be taking chemo today. I was taking a break. he smiled and said “Good.”

His reaction was just what I hoped it would be. Medically we both knew I should be taking it, however, emotionally I just couldn’t do it. I think he saw that too.

We agreed to schedule a CT Scan mid January. That would give me a three month break. I could enjoy Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years with our big family. It was perfect.

And, enjoy we did. Grocery shopping, planning the Thanksgiving meal, Tom’s Dad coming down from Cleveland, it was great. Then Christmas decorating, cookie decorating, shopping, wrapping and celebrating, a quick trip to NYC, holiday parties and family, family, family. We were overjoyed.

What will happen January 17th with the CT Scan? Only God knows. We trust that He will lead us to the perfect decision of what treatment, if any we will choose. Until then, I will enjoy feeling whole and not missing out on one moment of one day.

Thank you for this time precious Jesus.

Thomas and Olive
Grandpa, Lindsay Mick and Jude – TPC Tree Lighting
Christmas Decorating
Hudson Yards Lunch
Scotty, Blake, Taylor, Abby, Olivia and Tommy – PVIC Christmas Eve
Taylor, Tommy, Mia, Jayden, Olivia and Abby
Del Frisco’s
Family dinner

Following God’s prompting…

Following God’s prompting…

During my journey I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding treatment options. Praying about these decisions has brought me great comfort. Truthfully, I have given my life to God. We always pray for God’s will for us. This has lifted the burden of worry from my shoulders. Once again, I am thankful for my strong faith and ability to trust in the one who gave me life and already has it all mapped out…regardless of my input.

The month of October we faced a very serious challenge. After celebrating my 70th birthday with a trip to Napa and Vegas, I was hit with some sort of viral infection. (Or so the doctors have guess.) Just a few days after returning home, I took my scheduled chemotherapy infusion. The normal side effects seemed to hit me three days sooner than in the past and I found myself extremely ill with extreme digestive issues. By the end of the week, I was dehydrated and weak, yet still no fever.

Dr. Mody, my oncologist instructed me to go to the Mayo Emergency Department for hydration and blood tests. That afternoon I was admitted and spent five days in semi-isolation. ( Could have visitors but they had to wear gowns, until they determined the source of my condition.) The blood tests revealed declining numbers in my liver and other areas causing serious concern.

My potassium and magnesium needed a boost in one infusion and antibiotics in the other arm. My port could not be accessed for fear of contamination. For four days my digestive issues continued with a vengeance.

Finally on the fifth day, blood tests revealed I had turned the corner and were slowly heading in the right direction. The digestive issues had also subsided. It seemed the full dose of chemo I had received had been just too much for my body to withstand.

But, this was not the end. I continued to feel weak and had lost about ten pounds. (Thanking God I had a few extra pounds to shed.) I had no appetite and struggled to drink the water that would help bring me back. This continued for two more weeks.

Once again, my amazing family, friends and prayer warriors were busy praying. Deacon Dan and Fr. Matt King visited me in the hospital to administer the anointing of the sick and the Holy Eucharist. My bible study group and CRHP sisters from OLSS were lifting me up. Prayers have been heard and answered. I am truly on the mend.

It was time for my monthly chemo infusion and I was dreading it. I had prayerfully decided to ask Dr. Mody if I could take two months off from my treatment to regain my strength and make some holiday memories with the family. He agreed with a smile!

Thanking God for answering my prayers for discernment once again, as He has done with every decision I have made on this journey thus far.

My fellow PC warrior and dear friend Connie Phillips has gifted me with this beautiful nativity to remind me of Mary and Joseph and miracle of hope at Christmas.

“I Can Only Imagine…”

“I Can Only Imagine…”

The nurse covered me with a warmed blanket. The life killing chemo drugs were coursing through my body making me feel chilled. The blanket felt like heaven.

I have now lost track of how many chemo infusions I have received. But, my oncologist says I am a good responder to chemo. So we stay on course. I am currently on what he calls “chemo maintenance.” Just one infusion once a month. Truth is, I am afraid to stop taking it.

The last scan revealed the eleven plus tumors in my lungs , my recurrence of pancreas cancer, are not growing. That is the best possible news we could hope for.

My sweet Tommy is comfortable on the couch in the chemo suite as we watch the movie we have chosen for today. “I Can Only Imagine”, the true story of Bart Millard the lead singer of the band MercyMe.

The story is riveting of this young Greenville, Texas boy who’s mother left home leaving him in the care of an abusive alcoholic father. His only salvation was his love of music that led him to the protection of his true Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ.

After returning home at one point in the movie, Bart and his father have their usual explosive fight and Bart runs out of the house and tries to leave on his motorcycle. In a twist of fate, the bike won’t start but Bart is determined to leave and jumps into his dad’s truck where he finds a pamphlet in the visor about Pancreatic Cancer.

His dad was dying.

Bart takes his father to church where he accepts Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. This man who had been broken all of his life was transformed.

Bart’s struggles with his musical career were exhausting but he knew he had a song deep within him. He continued to search for it, journaling lyrics and strumming his guitar.

Finally it comes to him. “I Can Only Imagine”.

Bart’s agent felt the song could be the hit they had all been searching for but considered giving it to an established singer, Amy Grant. She loved the song as everyone who heard it did and she was set to perform it to a packed concert hall.

Amy Grant stood on stage, guitar in hand as the first bars of the song played. But she could not sing. She knew the song was going to be a hit. She also knew Bart Millard the songwriter. She stopped and told the crowd, “This is not my song to sing…meet Bart Millard, and this is his song.” Surprised Bart takes the stage and slowly begins to sing his beautiful song . As he looks out over the crowd, the seats are all empty except for one. His father was sitting in the middle of the hall with a heavenly light streaming all around him and smiling the look of a proud father.

I Can Only Imagine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LonOTKVmkeo

I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk, by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When you face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagineSurrounded by You glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagineI can only imagine when that day comes
When I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I would
do is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagineSurrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I…

Tommy and I left the chemo suite in tears. It was such a heartbreaking story with the perfect ending. We were visibly touched. What a wonderful way to spend this difficult day. We knew it was a sign from God that Bart’s dad had pancreatic cancer.

Two days went by and I was suffering from the effects of the chemo drugs attacking my body. I got a call from a friend inviting Tommy and I to join she and her husband the next night at a concert …..”Mercy Me” !! I told her yes we would go not really knowing if my body would be strong enough.

At the concert we were thrilled to see Bart onstage with the rest of his band. They played several great songs and near the end of the show sang “I Can Only Imagine”. Tommy and I sat close and felt he was singing only to the two of us. It was a magical moment. We felt God’s presence.

And, as our Lord would have it…there is always a message. Bart explained about his final song…..”We Win”.

“No matter what is happening in your life today, no matter how messed up the world is right now, none of this matters because if you have Jesus Christ in your life, when we lay our head down to rest….You win. You get to spend eternity with a loving living God.”

Again we were brought to tears. This was the message God had for us that night. We win.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AQ3bHr80PM

P.S. Bart Millard, I don’t know if you will ever see this page, but if you do, I would love to have a few minutes of your time to share our story with you

Source: LyricFind

Forgiving ourselves

Forgiving ourselves

For many years I attended mass covered in a veil of guilt. As I would approach the priest administering the Holy Eucharist, I was certain he knew my shame. Having been divorced, I was not supposed to share in holy communion. However, did my God not want me to participate in this most important portion of the mass? I couldn’t believe it…but it was the rule.

Living thru divorce should have been difficult enough for me, but now my church, whom I felt should welcome me with open arms, didn’t embrace me. In fact, they were a source of extreme angst.

But, I continued to worship weekly , taking my place in the pew and minding my own business. After all, I was there to worship my God, and thank Him for all my blessings. Maybe I would pray for an ailing friend or relative, that someone close to me could conceive, but I seldom would ask for something for myself. Somewhere in my past I had been taught not to ask for myself.

My bible studies taught me differently fortunately. I could have full on conversations with my God just like an earthly father. I could discuss anything with Him. It was a revelation I found so freeing. It made perfect sense.

But, I continued to struggle with the Eucharist and that I had failed in marriage.

One Sunday I approached the bookstand in the vestibule. A small pamphlet caught my eye, “A One Hour Prayer Retreat”. I drew one from the rack and slipped it into my purse. The next day I found myself alone and looking forward to some meditation time. I couldn’t wait to read the small booklet I had chosen.

Here are my notes from the exercise the little booklet asked you to complete:

“A One Hour Prayer Retreat” asked me to draw a chalice. In the bowl of the chalice write words of things you are thankful for. (That was easy) But, for all the most disturbing things in your life, write those words on the base of the chalice. Then, as in the mass, lift up the chalice to the Lord. Give Him thanks for all your blessings And give to Him all of your worldly concerns. Let Him worry about them. Turn them right over to Him.

I could not write the names “Terry” or “John”, the names of my two husbands before Tom, on the base of the chalice – so I simply wrote a “T” and a “J”. I had tucked those two names deep somewhere in my mind, hoping they would never resurface, a part of my life I wished I could completely forget. When I looked at the letters as I held the chalice before my Lord, He spoke to me.

He told me that before there could be a Tom and Judi, there had to be a Terry and a John. They were part of my living testimony. They made me the person that Tom could fall in love with. They actually held purpose in my life.

I don’t feel badly about that any longer and eternally thankful for my faith.

During a Christ Renews His Parish retreat I spoke to the Deacon about the guilt I had felt with regard to the Catholic doctrine. He hugged me and told me he would help me navigate a solution, that my church did not want me to feel this way any longer. He did and in January of 2014 Tom and I were married once again but this time in the Catholic Church. We are official in the eyes of our church and I can accept communion with a pure heart.

The ticking time bomb…

The ticking time bomb…

Every six weeks we face a CT scan and MRI to determine what is happening deep within my lungs with the tumors that were discovered to be metastasized pancreas cancer in late June 2018. Blood work is drawn and can be a precursor for activity of the tumors, but not always. The anticipation we endure is indescribable. It is like living with a ticking time bomb in your body, never knowing when the bomb will go off.

Today the bomb went off. One of the newest tumors in my left lung doubled in size in just six weeks.

The other eight tumors in my right lung remained stable. But now there are two or three in my left lung and Dr. Ko remarked that “the one that grew pretty significantly is concerning.”

My cancer mets are now considered “progressive”.

Now we face decision time. What are our treatment options we ask our radiology oncologist who specializes in lung disease? Dr. Ko works side by side with my hematology oncologist to guide us. His answer today was a possible targeted therapy that would focus on eradicating the tumor with radiation. The plus side is the treatment would offer limited side effects with only a five percent chance of effecting my lung capacity. And, it would not effect my quality of life, which to this time has been amazingly good. The down side is it will not effect the other tumors whatsoever. After the targeted radiation therapy we would typically wait six more weeks for a CT scan. Now that the cancer is progressive, it is impossible to determine if the other tumors will begin to grow as well.

Between appointments we visited our church to talk to God about the latest development and to pray for strength and courage and discernment to make the right decisions. He never disappoints. We both left the church feeling a peaceful calm. Thank goodness we have our faith.

The second option is aggressive chemotherapy. this would in fact attempt to eradicate all the tumors and hopefully make some disappear, the others to shrink. But, the downside is the side effects of aggressive therapy. My quality of life for eight weeks and a few beyond would suffer.

So what do we do?

My amazing husband has two trips planned. One, an annual trip to Vegas for Super Bowl and a Lady Gaga concert…and a trip to Southern California to accompany him to a trade show in late March. Will I be able to make these trips we ask? Dr. Mody studies the calendar and comes up with some dates. It looks like we can make this work.

I tolerated the chemo regimen very well the first time, no reason to think I won’t this time. I might be a little tired, but I know I can make it. I won’t let this stop me from living my best life.

We begin chemo on Saturday. Thank you Jesus!

I hope I can make it to Lady Gaga…

The most wonderful time of the year…

The most wonderful time of the year…

It’s just a week before Christmas. The tree shines brightly in the family room, presents are being wrapped as they arrive in the mail and the cards are all sent. The food is ordered for the Christmas Eve party and the family is excited to share another Christmas together. The dog is laying in front of the fire as I write and sip my holiday blend steaming hot coffee. Seems so normal yet in the back of my mind I am wondering…could this be my last Christmas with the family?

Cancer is the most devastating diagnosis anyone can receive. But, after surviving a life threatening whipple surgery, chemo and radiation treatment, a horrible post-op infection, hernia surgery and most recently lung surgery to determine the origin of the tumors has been a difficult journey, but I am thankful for this time I have been blessed with. Yet still wondering each day, each minute if tomorrow I will wake up and feel the effects of the tumors that are slowly growing in my lungs. While is sounds cliche’ cancer does suck.

Seeing Christmas theu the eyes of my grandchildren has given me new hope.They are hearing of the birth of Jesus for the very first time. They peer at the Nativity that sits on the cabinet listening as I explain each character and the part they played in this miraculous story. We attend the preschool Christmas program where one of them plays the part of a wiseman. We travel to see a live nativity reenactment with live camels and a precious live baby Jesus. This story is the core of the season and I am going to make sure they don’t think it is all about toys and gifts for them. Christmas is about hope and miracles and humbling humility.

It’s our favorite time of year. A time when we make toasts at dinner to tell the ones we love why we love them. It’s a time to dress up and visit our friends and sing Christmas carols. It is a time of reflection. What has the last year brought us? Did we enjoy success, good health, happiness? It is a time to consider a helping hand to those who are less fortunate. To reach out and share our blessings.

And, it leads up to New Years eve, when we have a chance to make changes that will ensure the next year of our lives will be even better.
I don’t know what the year ahead will bring me. But, I can enjoy every minute knowing eventually I will be going to heaven to spend eternity with the Lord.

Do you know Jesus? Do you have a deep relationship with our Lord and Savior? Is there something lacking in your life that leaves you feeling depressed and unsure? Don’t allow yourself to think “This is how I am, it’s just Me.” Everyone can make change and improvement in their lives. It takes work and effort but the first step is to recognize what needs to be changed. I promise you if you ask Jesus into your life and let Him lead you every moment of every day, your life will be transformed. You will be able to be the best you can be. Now is the time to make 2019 transformational.

This truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 So we do not lose heart. Though out outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.