Tag Archives: pancreatic cancer

Thinking outside the box – UPDATE

Thinking outside the box – UPDATE
Fourth of July fun at Z-Farm

The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster ride for my family, friends and me. Confirming that the malignant adenocarcinoma had returned to the head of my reconstructed pancreas and having my oncologist tell us without treatment we have just months would send any human being to a deep dark place.

Having survived the absolute most fatal cancer for eight years has truly been a miracle thanks to God, you my prayer warriors, my fantastic medical team of primary care doc, surgeons, radiologists, gastroenterologists, radiologists, oncologists and the PA’s and nurses who assist them at Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL.

But, realistically, we always knew there would be a day when the cancer would take over.

For a time we placed our complete trust in a non-approved trial drug Herceptin Hylecta (trastuzumab and hyaluronidase-ovsk) recently used as immunotherapy treatment for early breast cancer in HER2 positive patients, with great success I might add. Tests were run to determine the DNA of my tumor and provide the best possible match for the gene therapy. The prayer was that I might be the first pancreas cancer patient to receive the treatment…and that it would destroy the cells. That was truly our only hope.

When we asked if surgery could be performed to remove the tumor, the answer was no, there has not been success in the past with patients with similar medical situations. So truly our only hope was in the trial drug. So, we began the infusions.

Entering the chemo suites that familiar smell and feeling rushed over me like a bad dream. But, I knew this treatment would be different. My oncologist told me I would not lose my hair, I would not experience nausea but would possibly have a rash. A rash? I could surely handle that. But, it was just returning to this place I had avoided for two years, that sick feeling returned. I was happy to see a familiar face, a nurse who sat with me the entire infusion watching for adverse reaction but more importantly, chatting in light conversation.

As the test reports came in my case was presented by my oncologist to the Thursday tumor board, a group of up to eighteen Mayo docs from different departments. (Get a second opinion? Why when you have eighteen of the finest doctors in the world collaborating over your MRi’s, scans, blood work and pathology reports.)

One of the surgeons attending that day probably said, “Oh this is Judi, I am familiar with her case. She is the one who defies all of the norms with her PC.” But most importantly, he thought he had a solution. He presented his ideas to the board and they all agreed.

Shortly after the meeting my oncologist phoned. His excitement came right thru the phone as he explained what the surgeon was proposing. He told me surgery was being offered to me and to expect a call from Dr. Stauffer.

When Dr. Stauffer called I listened intently to his plan. He began by stating, “Judi, we need to think outside of the box with you.” He explained they would like to surgically remove the tumor, a suspicious lymph node behind the mesenteric artery as well as a lesion that had shown up for years on my liver, but had not grown in size in any of my scans. He said, if you agree to the surgery, I believe it can work.

My reaction was, “What have I got to lose?” He replied, “You have nothing to lose and life to gain.”

I have received two infusions to date and am scheduled for a third in early August. Scans and tests will be reviewed to check results of the infusions and to be used in the open surgery that will be performed August 17th.

Many of you are praying for me and as you have heard me say in the past, I truly believe this is the explanation I have for my survival. God is listening to your payers, and granting them. For this we are eternally grateful. So, again, I am asking for your prayers for the doctors and nurses on my care team to receive what they need to have a successful surgery. Again, not just for me but to make surgery a possibility for other PC warriors with resectable tumors.

Thankful for all of my prayer warriors and thankful for a surgeon who is willing to think outside the box.

Update…

Update…
This is a spiritual place…Z-Family Farm – Fletcher North Carolina

God has granted me so many miracles throughout my life. But the most miraculous of all has been the gift of eight years since my diagnosis of pancreas cancer on April 29th, 2014.

Tommy and I agree these have been the best eight years of our lives together.

Our faith has grown so enormously and so deeply throughout this journey that we count that as another huge miracle He has blessed us with. Our children experience firsthand the importance of having a relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and all agree we could not handle this without Him. We put our trust in Him completely to lead us through this difficult trial.

For our friends, it has been miraculous as well. They pray diligently and many daily that we can have one more day, one more good scan, one more birth, one more memory. They see Him answer those prayers time after time. I know it has deepened their faith as well.

The most recent miracle has been the success of our 6th Champions for Hope event. Thanks to our sponsors, friends and volunteers who open their hearts and their pocketbooks to help us raise EPIC amounts of money to help the disabled community and continue our research at Mayo Jacksonville for pc early detection. Thank you just never seems enough.

Yesterday we received some news. An MRI revealed a suspicious mass in the reconstructed head of my pancreas. The MRI was ordered by my oncology team due to ongoing weight loss and GI issues I have had since last July.

The doctors believe the pancreas cancer has now metastasized to my Whipple operation site. Many of you know I have mets to my lungs that have remained stable since July 2018. (Another miracle.)

They have ordered an Endoscopic Ultrasound Procedure for June 23rd to biopsy the tumor and confirm 100% the adenocarcinoma has returned to this spot. They are not able to perform this biopsy before that date due to my positive Covid test June 1st. This test would require twilight sedation and therefore must follow CDC Covid protocol of waiting 21 days from the positive test date.

My Mayo team respects my decision to forego chemotherapy as a treatment and maintain the best possible quality of life. 

They are seeking a clinical trial drug that might be successful working with my HER2 (Human Epidermal growth factor Receptor 2–positive). No person with pancreas cancer has ever received this treatment. It is approved to treat early-stage breast cancer. When this drug works for me it could mean that other pancreas cancer patients with this HER2 gene could benefit as well.

So, we ask for prayers for another miracle. Not just for me but for the countless other pc patients who may not have access to or doctors who even are aware of this treatment.

Tommy, me, and our entire family will continue to pray we can graciously accept God’s will for the outcome whatever it might be.

But, here is one thing you can completely count on…when the day comes and my life is over…I win. I will be sitting at the feet of Jesus whole once again in heaven for all of eternity.

If you are not a believer, I pray you will accept Jesus as your personal savior and be able to turn your trials into blessings just as we have.

I love you all and I am forever grateful and humbled by your love, support and prayers.

Waiting for the shoe to drop…

Waiting for the shoe to drop…

October 15th, 2019 was the last time I had a Gemzar Abraxane infusion (chemo therapy) for my pancreas cancer that had metastasized to my lungs. The decision to stop treatment was one I made prayerfully and on my own. As a six year survivor of a lethal cancer with a five year survival rate of single digits, this was a bold move.

My Mayo oncologist, Dr. Mody’s reaction to my decision was surprisingly positive. Last fall I was feeling the effects of prolonged treatment and could actually taste, smell and feel the chemo that had been a part of my life since July 2017 when it was discovered the cancer had moved to my lungs. But, I had become so fatigued and ill, he agreed I needed a break. The holidays were approaching and I wanted to be able to enjoy every moment with my family and most of all my grandchildren who asked when they walked into the house, “Mia, are you in bed today?”

In January of 2018, a CT scan revealed one of my numerous lung spots had doubled in size. It was recommended that chemo be administered every two weeks. So, for as many months I had endured the treatment that would produce flu like symptoms days after and keep me weakened and nauseous.

In mid October of 2019, I contracted an intestinal virus somehow that caused me extreme vomiting and diarrhea and landed me in the hospital for five days. However, the nausea continued after the virus subsided.

The oncologist described my condition beyond the virus as nausea brought on by prolonged chemotherapy…something in my head!

If you follow my blog you know I am a faith filled person. I consider myself to be strong and able to handle discomfort pretty well. While I know the dire statistics that come with this diagnosis, I face life with confidence that God is in control. He determines when He will call me home, not the doctors who treat me with the science He has given them.

I believe He has work for me to do to increase awareness and fight for much needed research that will one day find an early detection for this cancer that kills nearly 20% of us diagnosed within one year.

In the last six years my husband, family, doctors and close friends have supported me unconditionally. They have provided the care I need, whatever it might be, along each set back. God and they have seen me thru some very difficult times.

But, this cancer, that I now look at as a blessing in our lives, has given us so many positive changes. It has brought our family closer to God, closer to one another and also empowered us to start a foundation to fund important research that will result in a simple test that could be administered to patients presenting with family history, predisposition or early symptoms that have been dismissed in the past as other less serious digestive issues.

Every six to eight weeks I go to Mayo for scans and bloodwork to determine the status of my cancer. It is always a time of anxiety and concern as the date approaches. However, I have learned to listen to my body and believe that while I am feeling as good as I can, the cancer must still be at bay.

The last three scans have reported as “stable”. This means that the 13 spots in my lungs, while still evident and growing very slowly, are not at this moment out of control.

I chose to carry on and take in each breath enjoying my family and friends in gratitude for the life we have been blessed with so abundantly until the day …

…the shoe drops.

Following God’s prompting…

Following God’s prompting…

During my journey I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding treatment options. Praying about these decisions has brought me great comfort. Truthfully, I have given my life to God. We always pray for God’s will for us. This has lifted the burden of worry from my shoulders. Once again, I am thankful for my strong faith and ability to trust in the one who gave me life and already has it all mapped out…regardless of my input.

The month of October we faced a very serious challenge. After celebrating my 70th birthday with a trip to Napa and Vegas, I was hit with some sort of viral infection. (Or so the doctors have guess.) Just a few days after returning home, I took my scheduled chemotherapy infusion. The normal side effects seemed to hit me three days sooner than in the past and I found myself extremely ill with extreme digestive issues. By the end of the week, I was dehydrated and weak, yet still no fever.

Dr. Mody, my oncologist instructed me to go to the Mayo Emergency Department for hydration and blood tests. That afternoon I was admitted and spent five days in semi-isolation. ( Could have visitors but they had to wear gowns, until they determined the source of my condition.) The blood tests revealed declining numbers in my liver and other areas causing serious concern.

My potassium and magnesium needed a boost in one infusion and antibiotics in the other arm. My port could not be accessed for fear of contamination. For four days my digestive issues continued with a vengeance.

Finally on the fifth day, blood tests revealed I had turned the corner and were slowly heading in the right direction. The digestive issues had also subsided. It seemed the full dose of chemo I had received had been just too much for my body to withstand.

But, this was not the end. I continued to feel weak and had lost about ten pounds. (Thanking God I had a few extra pounds to shed.) I had no appetite and struggled to drink the water that would help bring me back. This continued for two more weeks.

Once again, my amazing family, friends and prayer warriors were busy praying. Deacon Dan and Fr. Matt King visited me in the hospital to administer the anointing of the sick and the Holy Eucharist. My bible study group and CRHP sisters from OLSS were lifting me up. Prayers have been heard and answered. I am truly on the mend.

It was time for my monthly chemo infusion and I was dreading it. I had prayerfully decided to ask Dr. Mody if I could take two months off from my treatment to regain my strength and make some holiday memories with the family. He agreed with a smile!

Thanking God for answering my prayers for discernment once again, as He has done with every decision I have made on this journey thus far.

My fellow PC warrior and dear friend Connie Phillips has gifted me with this beautiful nativity to remind me of Mary and Joseph and miracle of hope at Christmas.

“I Can Only Imagine…”

“I Can Only Imagine…”

The nurse covered me with a warmed blanket. The life killing chemo drugs were coursing through my body making me feel chilled. The blanket felt like heaven.

I have now lost track of how many chemo infusions I have received. But, my oncologist says I am a good responder to chemo. So we stay on course. I am currently on what he calls “chemo maintenance.” Just one infusion once a month. Truth is, I am afraid to stop taking it.

The last scan revealed the eleven plus tumors in my lungs , my recurrence of pancreas cancer, are not growing. That is the best possible news we could hope for.

My sweet Tommy is comfortable on the couch in the chemo suite as we watch the movie we have chosen for today. “I Can Only Imagine”, the true story of Bart Millard the lead singer of the band MercyMe.

The story is riveting of this young Greenville, Texas boy who’s mother left home leaving him in the care of an abusive alcoholic father. His only salvation was his love of music that led him to the protection of his true Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ.

After returning home at one point in the movie, Bart and his father have their usual explosive fight and Bart runs out of the house and tries to leave on his motorcycle. In a twist of fate, the bike won’t start but Bart is determined to leave and jumps into his dad’s truck where he finds a pamphlet in the visor about Pancreatic Cancer.

His dad was dying.

Bart takes his father to church where he accepts Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. This man who had been broken all of his life was transformed.

Bart’s struggles with his musical career were exhausting but he knew he had a song deep within him. He continued to search for it, journaling lyrics and strumming his guitar.

Finally it comes to him. “I Can Only Imagine”.

Bart’s agent felt the song could be the hit they had all been searching for but considered giving it to an established singer, Amy Grant. She loved the song as everyone who heard it did and she was set to perform it to a packed concert hall.

Amy Grant stood on stage, guitar in hand as the first bars of the song played. But she could not sing. She knew the song was going to be a hit. She also knew Bart Millard the songwriter. She stopped and told the crowd, “This is not my song to sing…meet Bart Millard, and this is his song.” Surprised Bart takes the stage and slowly begins to sing his beautiful song . As he looks out over the crowd, the seats are all empty except for one. His father was sitting in the middle of the hall with a heavenly light streaming all around him and smiling the look of a proud father.

I Can Only Imagine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LonOTKVmkeo

I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk, by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When you face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagineSurrounded by You glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagineI can only imagine when that day comes
When I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I would
do is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagineSurrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I…

Tommy and I left the chemo suite in tears. It was such a heartbreaking story with the perfect ending. We were visibly touched. What a wonderful way to spend this difficult day. We knew it was a sign from God that Bart’s dad had pancreatic cancer.

Two days went by and I was suffering from the effects of the chemo drugs attacking my body. I got a call from a friend inviting Tommy and I to join she and her husband the next night at a concert …..”Mercy Me” !! I told her yes we would go not really knowing if my body would be strong enough.

At the concert we were thrilled to see Bart onstage with the rest of his band. They played several great songs and near the end of the show sang “I Can Only Imagine”. Tommy and I sat close and felt he was singing only to the two of us. It was a magical moment. We felt God’s presence.

And, as our Lord would have it…there is always a message. Bart explained about his final song…..”We Win”.

“No matter what is happening in your life today, no matter how messed up the world is right now, none of this matters because if you have Jesus Christ in your life, when we lay our head down to rest….You win. You get to spend eternity with a loving living God.”

Again we were brought to tears. This was the message God had for us that night. We win.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AQ3bHr80PM

P.S. Bart Millard, I don’t know if you will ever see this page, but if you do, I would love to have a few minutes of your time to share our story with you

Source: LyricFind

I choose to believe God…

I choose to believe God…

They say that pancreas cancer tumors rarely disappear with chemo. Usually the best you can ask for is a stable scan where no new tumors develop and the ones you have don’t show any significant growth. Well, the two images above are a comparison from six weeks ago to yesterday after I completed my chemotherapy regimen of Abraxane and Gemcitabine. The 2.5cm tumor on the right is ALMOST gone.

My oncologist, Dr. Mody did not perform a biopsy on the tumor to determine unequivocally it was pancreas cancer. The pathology reports from the lung resections had confirmed pancreas cancer mets, but some of the tumors may have been benign. We will never confirm scientifically that this tumor was or was not of pancreas cancer origin. But, we do know it almost disappeared thanks to the chemo treatment.

I believe that God heard the prayers of you, His faithful servants. I believe He has more work for me to do. I believe I have been given more time, and I plan to use it to honor and glorify Him every single day.

In two weeks I will begin another chemo treatment plan to hopefully take care of the rest of that tumor. I am so thankful for your positive thoughts and prayers.

They are working.

When prayers are offered…

When prayers are offered…

Patty slipped the note containing a prayer for healing between the rocks of the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem today. When she had a moment, she sent me a message to tell me what she had done and this photo to prove it.

What a powerful message my friend sent me. The blessing of a prayer mumbled in near silence as she pressed closer into the crowd to reach the wall. She had promised to pray for me in a card she mailed before she left…and she was following through.

If you have followed this journey with me for very long you know I believe in miracles and I believe in the power of prayer. I completely believe the only reason I am here four years and four months since my pancreas cancer diagnosis is thru the intercession of prayers offered up for me.

Sometimes I wonder when I tell someone I will pray for them if they truly believe I will do it. Am I just saying something because I don’t know what else to say about the trial they are faced with? This promise is a huge responsibility in my view. The reason is….I know that if God hears the prayers of all of us…He will answer them. It might not be in our time, it might not be in the way we thought He should do it….but He does answer.

My niece told me last week she and her family pray for healing for me every night. I can picture four little boys in the pajamas and wet heads kneeling beside their beds with hands pressed. She asked me what I wanted her to pray for me. I told her to please pray for God’s will for us and for His peace and strength to face whatever His will would be. That we could glorify Him in our acceptance and be an example of what having a relationship with Our Lord Jesus Christ looks like. An example that would stir the question deep within them…how do I find that kind of strength?

There are many friends, family and others that are praying for us. Not one day passes that someone doesn’t share with Tommy or me in conversation or by email. We are humbled and thankful. Thank you Patty.

If you feel a tug at your soul to say a prayer for someone you know could use it..please do so. And, watch to see how the answer unfolds. There is a power in this simple act that can move mountains. I promise you.

I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call on Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

Wailing Wall -Jerusalem

Preparing for battle

Preparing for battle

Ephesians 6:11-18 King James Version (KJV)
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

During this journey of pancreas cancer we have faced very difficult decisions a couple of times. In the past I have taken the approach, “Let’s get it out of my body now.” vs. attempting to shrink the tumors with chemotherapy which may or may not work. We gather the facts and Tommy always gives me his opinion but tells me to make the final call because it is my body. And, I always had a very strong feeling of what I needed to do. Those decisions have proven to be the right ones so far. God granted us a miracle giving me 4 years and 2 months of a very good quality of life.

We find ourselves once again at the crossroads. There are five small nodes in my right lung that have been carefully observed for many months. Just a month ago three nodes were removed from my left lung, two of which had cells consistent with pancreas cancer meaning my cancer was back. It had metastasized to another vital organ.

Adenocarcinoma originating in the pancreas is the deadliest form of cancer.

We must prepare for battle once again. But, this time the decisions are not quite as clear cut. The options call for patience, for waiting. Having these cells at work in my body, knowing the destruction they leave in their path makes it very difficult to sit back. To give it time to manifest, to grow. Yet, the doctors tell us the five nodes are small. They have been very slow growing which is uncharacteristic of pancreas cancer. The cells are not acting like pancreas cancer. Nothing about the cells behavior is textbook. They even challenged the pathologist findings. But, the proof remained. The cells are consistent with pancreas cancer.

But yet what do we know about pancreas cancer?

We do know that it behaves differently in patients. That it responds differently to routine treatment. While those who dare to challenge it in research are discovering new techniques to fight it every day, there is no 100% foolproof treatment.

The doctors question if the nodes are large enough to have good blood supply necessary for the chemo drugs to do the job. “Let’s wait six weeks.” They don’t want to infuse me with the poison that could kill the cells and rob me of the present good quality of life I enjoy until they are sure it can work.

So, we will wait. We will enjoy every day I am feeling good. We will make plans and take short trips and watch sunsets and children playing. We will take in all of this amazingly wonderful life we have been blessed with.

I stand fully clothed in the whole armour of God…ready to fight the battle before me once again.

Jude has HOPE for his Mia

When God answered….

When God answered….

There are several nodules in my lungs that my medical team have been keeping an eye on for over a year. They say the sophistication of equipment used in chest CT scans has improved so much that if they were to scan everyone, chances are pretty good they would find nodules in a good percentage. But, they preface this by adding, of course, they are not pancreas cancer patients.

The horrible thing about pancreas cancer is the seamless way it slips into cells in other major organs. There is a river of sorts with tiny tributaries that runs thru the pancreas sending enzymes to your digestive system and ultimately throughout your body. These enzymes are necessary for the body to absorb valuable nutrients our body needs to thrive. The pancreas also produces insulin important to maintaining sugar levels that support many other systems throughout our bodies. While it is a pretty important organ, you actually can live without a pancreas with the help of digestive enzymes and insulin that can be prescribed. (Disclaimer alert….I am not a doctor, and forgive me if I have misspoken, but this is how it was explained to me.)

For over three years there were no significant changes in my three month CT scans that are on the hunt for new masses, lit up lymph nodes and who knows what else. But, suddenly, one of the lung nodules they had watched for over a year seemed to solidify and grow from what is described as “ground glass” with no real form to a one centimeter spot. This was the size docs had told me it would have to reach before we could do a biopsy. After my team of doctors reviewed the suspect nodule, they agreed a needle biopsy should be ordered.

The out-patient procedure was scheduled and we were given instructions and of course the precautionary worse case scenarios that could occur. About 15% of patients undergoing a needle biopsy of the lung will experience deflation of the lung which is painful and you will be required to spend the night in the hospital while the lung is re-inflated. The worst part of the procedure was supposed to be numbing the area. Tommy and I agreed we had already beaten so many odds since our original diagnosis of PC that surely we could beat this too.

Doctors explained that there were three possibilities. 1) Inflammation causing enlargement of the node. 2) Lung cancer or 3) Metastatic pancreas cancer. While it seems odd to pray for lung cancer, we actually did. It would have been early stage lung cancer with a relatively high rate of cure. Option number three was not discussed in detail because we all knew that would change my staging to a four with lung being one of our major organs and a recurrence to battle once again. But of course we hoped it was just inflammation.

The day of the appointment came. We have a ritual prayer Tom prays as we make the left turn into Mayo campus. He grabs my hand and prays aloud to God to give us courage to believe He will bring us through this day and provide us with the strength we all need as a family to face whatever His will is for us. I told Tommy I would be going under Jesus’ wing feathers, Psalm 91 just as I did for every frightening procedure before. Power port access and blood draw began at seven AM. We registered and made our way to the second floor staging area. I was taken back to be prepared and shortly after Tommy joined me in the curtained waiting area bay #16.

There would be no sedation for this procedure explained the doctor. They needed me to be completely awake. I had to help with important breathing techniques that would enable them to penetrate that small nodule that was like a moving target inside my lung. The heart is beating and the diaphragm is working, so no drug that might deplete the lungs air capacity could be administered. The area would be numbed with Lidocaine which would be a sharp prick and then burning as the numbing took over. They said I should feel just a small amount of pressure when the actual biopsy was taken, a punch sound and then a little pressure. I was ready to go.

A young Asian male nurse wheeled me back to the CT room and asked me to transfer to the bed for the scan. Several nurses and technicians were in the room preparing whatever it was they were responsible for. They assured me the nurse would be there just to attend to me. The rest of them would be doing their jobs. They asked me to lay on my stomach and laid my head on a pillow facing the glass window to the adjacent office where more techs seemed to be discussing what they saw on the monitor. I was fairly relaxed and ready to have this part of the ordeal over with. The doctor entered the room and told me my job was a series of breaths that would help them to capture the tissue they needed. But, if I experienced any pain to let them know immediately. I told them I had a pretty high pain tolerance so I would be able to do whatever they needed me to do.

Suddenly they were prepping my back shoulder blade with betadine solution. Next came the Lidocaine shot…”Here you will feel a big pinch and then burning” , said the doctor. He was not kidding. It seemed like he gave me several injections of the numbing medication as I felt the burning subside leaving just some pressure. I would not have moved if I had to. This was serious. It was explained to me that it was just like piercing a balloon with a needle. They didn’t want that balloon to burst.

It seemed like I completed a thousand trips into the CT machine and requests to “take a short breath in, hold it, now breath.” as the doctor guided his scope aiming for that small moving target …the center of the nodule. He stopped for additional Lidocaine and instruction from the attending physician, eyes were glued to the monitor. Finally the other doctor took over and at long last…success. They quickly took two needle biopsy’s and removed the prob from my back. “It’s all over” she said. “We got two good tissue samples. Now lay completely still so we can check to make sure the hole we just put into your lung closes as it should. If you feel any pain, let us know.” She moved quickly to the office and I could see them in the window glued to the monitor.

Alone in the room I laid face down on the bed not moving a muscle. Suddenly I felt a huge cramping in my left lung around what I suspected to be my heart. I cringed and waited to see if it would pass. I seemed to move outward from the core and then engulf my entire lung. I couldn’t take a breath and I feared I might run out of breath.

A nurse entered the room asking if I was doing okay. I told them what was happening and suddenly the room filled. “Your vitals are fine, the scan shows the hole is closing just as it should be. You are going to be fine. Let’s move you.”

I didn’t want to move or to be touched. “Please just give me a minute.” I gasped.

But suddenly they were grabbing the sheet that I laid on and sliding me over to the gurney and moving me on my side. The pain was almost unbearable. The gurney began to move taking me out of the CT room and down the hall to the recovery area I had left just an hour before.

My sweet friend Kelly Winer lights a candle at beautiful Cathedral de San Juan


The doctor explained to Tommy and my son Scott who had just arrived, the procedure had gone really well and they would be giving me pain medication, Dilaudid, into my port and that should stop the cramping once I relaxed. It took two doses to dull the pain. I felt like a feather drifting through the room. The cramping continued but it allowed me to breath. Tommy held my hand telling me to breath through my nose and slowly let it out. I held his hand tightly and followed his prompting. We remained in the room for an another hour under observation and finally given the all clear to go home. We should have the results of the biopsy by Tuesday afternoon.

While the procedure was difficult it could not compare to the anxiety of awaiting a phone call to tell you if you are facing another life threatening cancer diagnosis. And, the anxiety touched not only Tommy and I, but our entire family and close friends too.

Would be have to put our plans on hold for trips during the holidays? Would I have hair for a Christmas card photo? Would I be strong enough to decorate, buy gifts and entertain? These thoughts ran through my mind the entire weekend.

Tommy and I attended evening mass a few days before the biopsy procedure and Msgr. administered the sacrament anointing of the sick. We had asked for prayer from my bible study groups and close friends we knew we could count on. Everyone was eager to get on their knees once again.

Family and friends gathered at our home most of the weekend. When Monday arrived we both jumped each time the phone rang. We didn’t sleep well and I had a throbbing headache most of the time, unusual for me. Finally it was Tuesday. Tommy didn’t know if he should go to work or not. He wanted to be the one to take the phone call. He stayed close to me all day.

The clock struck 6 on Tuesday evening and we were pretty sure we would not get a call so late. We tried to sleep to the gentle ping of our cell phones as text messages came in from family wondering if we had gotten any news. Every text and email told of more who were praying for good results.

When we arose on Wednesday morning Tommy made a pot of coffee and we read the paper together. Finally he asked me if we should call the doctor or just show up at his office? Suddenly the phone rang and it was a Mayo Clinic number. Tommy sprang from his chair grabbing my phone and made his way to our bedroom. I stood looking out of the kitchen window praying to God and thanking Him for our many blessings.

The call didn’t take long but I strained to hear any response Tommy was making. I couldn’t hear anything. He came to the kitchen and asked me to join him in the bedroom. We kneeled down next to the bed and he began to pray.

“God, we don’t understand how you continue to shower us with your blessing and grace. We are so thankful for this report of no cancer this morning……” I barely heard the rest of the prayer. We both sobbed and embraced.

God had heard the prayers. His plan was in place long before we were even born. It is all about Him truthfully. But I still believe He must have heard all of those voices asking for His favor. He must have figured, this lady needs to stay awhile longer. She has more work to be done. This was a time we all prayed and He answered.

Thank you Jesus.

The rest of the day I walked thru the house feeling like a bright yellow sunflower standing tall and swaying in the sunshine of a Tuscan field, thankful for my faith, for my husband and my family and for my prayerful friends.

“Trouble, trouble, trouble….Sometimes I swear it feels like this worry is my only friend”

“Trouble, trouble, trouble….Sometimes I swear it feels like this worry is my only friend”

ServPro So Jacksonville and Arlington golf event to benefit Champions for Hope

ServPro So Jacksonville and Arlington golf event to benefit Champions for Hope

Apprehension is building to the date of that dreaded scan.The March and June scans revealed spots on my lungs that my oncologist, Dr. Johnson said the chance of a reoccurrence of my pancreatic cancer could be 3 or 4 on a scale of 1-10.

With my husband out of town our daughter Lindsay and her baby boys joined me the entire day at Mayo in June as I checked off my schedule of appointments. 8AM blood work on the chemotherapy floor, because they know how to access my port without pain. 12:30 drink the contrast liquid down about 1/2 an hour before the 5 minute CT scan. Then afternoon appointments, allowing for the radiology department to read the scans and write their findings then meeting with my oncologist who will review the labs and CT scan report and give us the results. Then another appointment with my Radiology-oncologist for his take on the reports. They attempt to schedule both docs appointments back to back so there is no waiting for that thumbs up from everyone and we can get on with our lives, at least for three more months anyway.

That is how we live our lives in this family, at three month intervals.

According to the doctor those 3 or 4 or more “lit up” nodules grew in size from March to June, but remained under 1cm and too small to go thru the pain of collapsing my lung to biopsy them. I had a case of pneumonia early in spring. Could that have had anything to do with this I asked? My radiology oncologist was more positive than the oncologist. He said it could be lung cancer, which would be better for me than a metastatic pancreatic cancer.

Lindsay quipped on the way home in the car, “Here we are praying it is lung cancer. Something just seems wrong about that.”

Jaguars "Meet me on the 50"  night.

Jaguars “Meet me on the 50” night.

My amazing husband planned fun trips for us during the three months. One week in Cleveland to visit family and catch the Cavs’ Championship ring ceremony. That turned in to game two of the World Series with the Cleveland Indians and the Chicago Cubs. What at week. Then we had baby showers and Jacksonville Jags games and of course my work with both foundations. They would keep me as busy as possible so I could not have time to think about the grey cloud that was hovering just above me.

The LAND.....Cleveland ROCKS

The LAND…..Cleveland ROCKS

Purple Stride – Jacksonville Beach….

The D'Errico's turn out in full support of Jude's Dude's Purple Stride 2016

The D’Errico’s turn out in full support of Jude’s Dude’s Purple Stride 2016

Oh, and then hurricane Matthew and an evacuation!

Hurricane Matthew - evacuation to Poppas warehouse. 12 adults and 9 dogs....fun fun fun

Hurricane Matthew – evacuation to Poppas warehouse. 12 adults and 9 dogs….fun fun fun

Not much time to think about possibilities. There is no reason to worry, God is in control. I know that He has much work for me to do. I believe He has given me this time to help others with raising awareness of this lethal cancer that tries to steal life, laughter and love from it’s next target. But, not today PC. Today I am thankful for my cancer. We have a new outlook on everything thanks to this diagnosis, surgery and treatment. Our family has grown closer, we hug friends a little tighter, we look at the world thru our God eyes recognizing His “winks” along the way. And, we see His hand in preparing us for this time going back years to careers, friendships and moves. He had a plan all along. And, we have no idea when that plan will end, not one of us. So, I am grateful for each day, each person in my life and each breath. I hope when I am face to face with Him, I can look directly into those gentle eyes and say, “I did my best.”